Hercules Hetalia
by RomanoxSpain
Summary: This is basically Hercules only with Hetalia characters. SpainXRomano
1. Chapter 1

The Beginning:

Germany: Long ago, in the faraway land of ancient Greece, there was a golden age of powerful gods and extraordinary heroes. And the greatest and strongest of all these heroes was the mighty Spain.[A greek vase is shown with a picture of Spain fighting some monster. Vase zooms in slowly]

Denmark: Will you listen to him? He's makin' the story sound like some greek tragedy. [Denmark waves a sad face mask over his own face]

Finland: Lighten up, dude.

Iceland: We'll take it from here, darling. [He says, putting a hand on his hip]

Germany: You go girls… I mean guys…

Iceland: We are the muses, er the Nordics. Gods of the arts and proclaimers of the heroes.

Finland: Hero's like Spain!

Denmark: Honey, you mean "hunk-ules". Ooh, I'd like to make some sweet music with him. [Shows Finland giving Denmark a strange look. 'Who's Hunk-ules?' He whispers to Iceland who shrugs and they continue with their act.]

[the Nordics start humming]

Iceland: Our story actually begins long before Spain, many eons ago…

[Scene changes colors and the Nordics start walking and singing]

Nordics: _Back when the world was new. The planet Earth was down on its luck, and everywhere gigantic brutes called Titans ran amok._

[schematic pictures of whatever gets mentioned in the song start moving]

Denmark_: It was a nasty place, there was a mess wherever you stepped._

Nordics: _Where chaos reigned and the earthquakes and volcanoes never slept. _

Denmark: _Whoo! Sing it Boyfriend!_

Nordics: _And then along game America. He hurled his thunderbolt... (Shows America throwing Hamburgers at the Titans) He zapped! Locked those suckers in a vault, their trapped! And on his own, stopped chaos on its tracks. And that's the gospel truth. The guy was too "type A" to just relax, and that's the world's first dish._

Denmark: _Yeah, baby!_

Nordics: _America tamed the globe while still in his youth. Tough, honey, it may seem impossible, that's the gospel truth. On Mount Olympus life was neat, and smooth as sweet vermouth. Although honey, it may seem impossible, that's the gospel truth. _

{Schematic picture of Olympus zooms in and turns into a real one. While Nordics still repeat their 'ah's and 'yeah's, camera moves up the mountain slope, while it does, the movie title, Spain, is shown. Then the camera goes inside, passes various chattering gods and finds baby Spain.}

Liechtenstein(shortened to Lili for this story): Spain! Behave yourself.

[America comes in to play with the baby]

America: Oh, look at this, look how cute he is…

[America babbles at baby Spain and he catches America by the index finger and lifts him above the cradle.]

America: Hah! Oh, he's strong! Like his Dad, hmm?

Italy: (Moving through a crowd of gods) : Whoa! Excuse me! Hot stuff coming through! Excuse me one side, Lili.

[Italy hands Lili a bundle of glowing pasta?]

Lili: Um why, Italy, it's lovely…

Italy: Yeah, you know, I had Belarus do the arrangement. Isn't that too nutty? (flies closer to America now) Fabulous party, you know, I haven't seen this much love in a room since France discovered himself.

[France is shown, staring into his mirror and making kissing sounds. Also baby Spain gets one of America's Hamburger bolts and plays with it]

Lili: Dear, keep those away from the baby they are bad for him.

America: Oh, he won't hurt himself. Let the kid have a little fun.

[Baby Spain tries to eat the hamburger bolt, and gets zapped, and throws it away in frustration. Three gods jump away from its path, until Russia hits it with his pipe so it hits a pillar, which immediately reappears after its destruction.]

America: Oh, on behalf of my son, I want to thank you all for your wonderful gifts.

Lili: What about our gift, dear?

America: Well, let's see here… we'll take, hmm, yes, a little cirrus, and, hmmm, a touch of nimbostratus, and a dash of cumulus.[America moves his hand, with a little bull-shaped cloud on it, closer to baby Spain and the cloud turns out to be a baby bull with wings] His name is Taurus, and he's all yours, son.

[Baby Spain bonks his forehead against Baby Taurus', he snorts and licks Spain, they hug, and all the gods sigh.]

America: My boy. My little Spain.

Austria: How sentimental.

[Camera moves to Austria fast after his voice is heard.]

Austria: You know, I haven't been this chocked up since I got a hunk a musica caught in my throat! Huh?

[All the gods look sternly at him]

Austria: So is this an audience of a mosaic? Hey, how you doin'? Lookin' good. Nice dress. [He says as he passes each god/goddess until he reaches America who squeezes him into hug.]

America: So Austria, you finally made it. How are things in the underworld?

Austria:(taking America's hand off his shoulder) Well, they're just fine, you know, a little dark, a little gloomy, and as always, hey, full of dead people. What are you gonna do? [he moves over to Spain] Ah! There's the little sunspot, little smootchie. And here is a sucker for the little sucker, eh? [he weaves a sucker with a skeleton head out of thin mist] Here you go. Ya just... [Austria tries to get Spain to eat the sucker. Spain squeezes Austria's finger, and after some fight Austria gets away from the baby.]Sheesh! Uh, powerful little tyke. [He says as he massages his crippled finger]

America:[Hugging Austria ones again] Come on, Austria, don't be such a stiff, join the celebration!

Austria:[Getting free from another hug] Hey, love to, but unlike you gods lounging about up here, I regrettably have a full-time gig. You know, by the way, so charitably bestowed on me, America. So...can't. Love to, but can't.

America: You ought to slow down, you'll work yourself to death...Hah! Work yourself to death![Crowd laughs] Oh I kill myself.

Austria: If only, if only...[He leaves]

[Scene changes back to the Nordics]

Iceland: If there's one god who you don't want to get steamed up, it's Austria, cause he had an evil plan.

[Scene changes to a boat on the river Styx, in which a skeleton is rowing Austria. Nordics sing in the background]

Nordics: _He ran the underworld, but thought the dead were dull and uncouth. He was as mean as he was ruthless, and that's the gospel truth. He had a plan to shake things up, _[Austria feeds the three-headed dog Cerberus.] _and that's the gospel truth._

[Austria gets on the shore]

Austria: Switzerland!

Switzerland: Coming, your most lugubriousness. [He trips, rolls down the stairs gets seated on a sharp trident, he cries out in pain.]

Austria: Hungary!

Hungary: Oh, I'm sorry, I can handle it! [She runs, but trips over Switzerland, who just got free from the trident, falls over, and her horns get stuck into Switzerland in the same place where the trident was] (yes they both have horns because they are little "demons")

Switzerland: Switzerland!

Hungary: And Hungary!

Both: Reporting for duty!

Austria: Fine, fine, fine, just let me know the instant the Fates arrive.

Hungary: (who just got her horns free from Switzerland) Oh! They're here!

Austria: (bursts into flames) What? The Fates are here and you didn't tell me?

Both: We are worms! Worthless worms! (they really shape change into worms)

Austria: Memo to me, memo to me, maim you after my meeting.

[Scene changes to a cavern with the Fates]

Turkey: Darling, hold that mortal's thread of life good and tight. (He cuts a thread with scissors and a woman's scream is heard)

Egypt: Incoming!

[The Fates laugh as a soul enters the cave and flies into a tunnel. A counter above the tunnel now says "Over 5000000001 served"]

Austria: Gentlemen! Hah! I am sorry that I'm...

Turkey: Late.

Greece: We knew you would be.

Egypt: We know everything. [They pass around a random eyeball as the speak the next three lines.]

Greece: Past.

Egypt: Present.

Turkey: And future (says this to Hungary) Indoor plumbing... it's gonna be big.

Austria: Great. Great. Anyway, see, Guys, I was at this party, and I lost track off...

Fates: We know!

Austria: Yeah. I know... you know. So, here's the deal. America, Mr High and Mighty, Mr. "Hey, you, get off my hamburger," now he has...

Fates: A bouncing baby brat.

Greece: We know!

Austria: I know... you know. I know. I got it. I got the concept, so let me just ask: Is this kid gonna mess up my hostile takeover gig, or what? What do you think?

Egypt: Um...

Greece: [silences Egypt] Oh no you don't. We are not supposed to reveal the future.

Austria: Oh wait, I'm sorry. Time out. Can I? Can I ask you a question, by the way? Are you, (to Egypt as he plays with Egypt's hat) did you cut your hair or something? You look fabulous. [Egypt giggles] I mean, you look like a fate worse than death.

[Egypt giggles more, Greece hits him on the head, the random eye falls into the hands of Hungary]

Hungary: Ewe, Gross! [She tosses it to the floor by Switzerland]

Switzerland:Yech! It's blinking! [He kicks it into Austria's hand]

Austria: Gentlemen, please, my fate..[He puts the eye into Egypt's hand] is in your lovely hands.

Egypt: Oh, yeah.

Greece: Oh all right. [The random eye raises in the air, showing pictures of the future]

Turkey: _In 18 years precisely. The planets will align, ever so nicely._

Austria: Ay, verse! Oy.

Turkey:_ The time to act will be at hand, unleash the Titans, your monstrous band._

Austria: Mm-hmm, good, good.

Turkey:_ Then the once-proud America will finally fall, and you, Austria, will rule all!_

Austria: Yes! Austria rules!

Turkey:_ A word of caution to this tale._

Austria: Excuse me?

Turkey:_ Should Spain fight, you will fail._

[Fates disappear, and cackle as they go]

Austria: [Burning into flame] What? [He cools down] Okay, fine, fine, I'm cool, I'm fine. [Bell dings] Switzerland? Hungary? Got a little riddle for ya. How do you kill a god?

Switzerland: I do not...know!

Hungary: You can't. They're... immortal?

Austria: Bingo! They're immortal. [He takes a vial with red liquid and camera zooms at it, filling the screen] So, first you got to turn the little sunspot mortal.


	2. Chapter 2

**AUTHORS NOTES: **Alrighty here's the next part I hope every one is enjoying this strange yet funny Parody. I'm trying to torture my friend Austria by not telling her who is playing as Phil so you know I'm sorry to those of you who haven't guessed it yet... Lets see um what else should I tell you.

Um I forgot to tell you that the characters are just based off of who I thought fit the parts best. So you know some of the pairings aren't on purpose its jus like that cuz I thought those characters worked for those parts thats all. Its all in good fun. So enjoy and comment, thanks for reading.

* * *

Growing Up:

{Mount Olympus, dusk. Baby Spain and Baby Taurus are sleeping together}

[Shadows of Hungary and Switzerland crawl over Baby Spain, sound of glass breaking, and Switzerland and Hungary tittering makes America and Lili wake up.]

America: Huh? (He mumbles half asleep waring a pair of boxers with little hamburgers all over them.)

Lili: What? What is it?

Both: The Baby! (They run to the cradle but find only the Baby Taurus.)

Lili: Spain! Oh! (She starts sobbing.)

America: (Dramatically screams.) (takes a breath) ! [As he screams that, lightning flashes and a giant thunderstorm rages over Olympus. Switzerland and Hungary are flying down, carrying Baby Spain.]

Hungary: Now we did it! America is going to use us for target practice!

Switzerland: Just hang onto the kid, Hungary.

[They fall and Baby Spain starts crying.]

Hungary: Hurry! Let's just kill the kid and get it over with, okay?

Switzerland: (opening the vial) Here you go, kid, a little grecian formula.

Hungary: Look at that! He's... changing. [Baby Spain stops glowing as he drinks the potion.] Can we do it now?

Switzerland: No, no, no he has to drink the whole potion! Every last drop.

Netherlands: Who's there?

[Switzerland and Hungary run away, dropping the empty vial. It breaks and one last drop falls into the ground.]

Belgium: (She spots Baby Spain) Oh, you poor thing! Oh, don't cry.

Netherlands: Hey is anybody there?

[Switzerland and Hungary look from the bushes.]

Hungary: Now?

Switzerland: Now.

[Their shadows are shown as they walk and transform into snakes.]

Netherlands: Oh well, he must have been abandoned or something.

Belgium: Netherlands, for so many years we've prayed to the gods to bless us with a child. [Netherlands reads Spain's name from a medallion on his neck.] Perhaps they've answered our prayers.

Netherlands: Perhaps they have... Spain?

[Switzerland and Hungary, as snakes, attack, but Baby Spain catches them, and giggling happily, hits them several times against the ground, ties them into a knot and throws them far away. Netherlands and Belgium stare with their jaws dropped.]

Switzerland and Hungary: Help, help, help! (they turn into their normal forms.)

Hungary: Austria is going to kill us when he finds out what happened.

Switzerland: You mean, 'if' he finds out.

Hungary: Of course he's gonna f... If? If is good.

{Pan to Mount Olympus in dark clouds and then resolve to the Nordics}

Norway: It was tragic. America led all the gods on a frantic search.

Finland: But by the time the found the baby, it was too late.

[Norway starts singing.]

_Young Spain was mortal now,_

_but since he did not drink the last drop... (Other Nordics) -mmmhm_

_He still retained his godlike strength... (Other Nordics) -ohhhooo_

_So thank his lucky stars... (Other Nordics) -tell it boy_

_But America and Lili wept... (Other Nordics) -ooh, ooh, ooh_

_Because their son could never come home... (Other Nordics) –ooh_

_They'd have to watch their precious baby_

_Grow up from afar_

_Though Austria's horrid plan_

_Was hatched before Spain cut his first tooth... (Other Nordics) –ahhh_

_The boy grew stronger every day_

_And that's the gospel truth_

_The gospel truth..._

{Resolve to country with sheep's baaing.}

[A carriage with a lot of hay moves along the road unnaturally fast, then we see Netherlands and his horse sitting on the carriage.]

Netherlands: Spain would you freaking slow down!

[We now see it's young Spain who is moving the carriage. They enter a country fair, hitting some workers on the top of the gate.]

Netherlands: Look out!

[Workers fall, when Spain knocks down a ladder.]

Young Spain: Oops! S-s-sorry guys!

China: (falling down) Hey, watch where you're going!

Japan: Sunday Driver...

[Spain enters the middle of the square and stops, burring himself into the ground shoulder-deep.]

Netherlands: Thanks, son. When old Penelope twisted her ankle back there, I thought we were done for.

Spain: No problem, Pop.

Netherlands: Uh, don't-don't-don't unload just yet. First I have to finagle with Seborga...(whoever that is...)

Spain: Okay. [He drops the hay on the cart which makes their horse, Penelope, fly up into the sky.]

Oops, sorry, Penelope.

Netherlands: Now, Spain, this time, please just...

Spain: I know, I know. [He catches the falling Penelope.] Stay by the cart.

Netherlands: That's my boy.

[Spain stays until he sees a man loosing balance with a big clay pot.]

Man AKA Lithuania: Oh, my goodness. Whoa!

[Spain catches him just in time]

Spain: Careful!

Lithuania: Why thank you.

Spain: No problem.

Lithuania: (Sees Spain and looks frightened.) Why, Spain! It's you!

Spain: Let me, let me help you with that.

Lithuania: No, no, no ,no, no, I got it. [He almost falls under the giant pot] I'm fine, you just run along.

Spain: Are you sure?

Lithuania: Oh, yes. Absolutely.

[He leaves Spain outside in the street. A frisbee falls to his feet. He pick it up and sees three boys about his age.]

Boy 1 AKA Cuba: Yo! Give it here?

Spain: Hey, you need an extra guy?

Cuba: Uh... Sorry, Spain. We already got... five. And we want to keep it an even number.

Spain: Hey, wait a second. Five isn't an even...

Cuba: (snatching the frisbee) See ya, Spain.

Boy 2 AKA Poland: What a geek!

Boy 3 AKA Hong Kong: Destructo boy.

Cuba: Maybe we should call him "Jerkules". [The other two boys look at him confused.] I mean "Jerk"

[Spain sits alone in the center of the square until the frisbee appears above his head.]

Cuba: Heads up!

Spain: I-I got it!

Cuba: No! Stop!

[Spain hits a pillar, which starts falling.]

Spain: Uh-oh... Oh no! It's okay... [He holds the pillar he has hit, but others start falling one by one, like dominos. He sees that and throws the pillar he was holding away, but it hits another standing pillar and another domino wave starts going around the square] Hey! Whoa!

Netherlands: Son!

Spain: Hang on, Pop! Be right back! [The two domino waves seem to be aiming at the shop with the clay pots.]

Lithuania:Oh my! Oh no! Don't! Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

[The last two pillars stop above Lithuania's head. He sighs, relaxed, but Spain, who was running to save him, slips and slides to him fast.]

Spain: Watch out!

[Now everything is destroyed.]

Cuba: Nice catch, Jerk.

Netherlands: Son...

Lithuania: This is the last straw, Netherlands!

Voice: That boy is a menace!

Voice 2: He's too dangerous to be around normal people!

Netherlands: He didn't mean any harm, he's just a kid. He-He just can't control his strength.

Lithuania: I am warning you. You keep that-that-that... freak away from here!

Some Boy: Freak! Yeah, go away!

{On a grassy hillside, Spain and Netherlands sit alone}

Netherlands: Son, you shouldn't let those things they said back there get to you.

Spain: But Pop, they're right. I-I am a freak. I try to fit in, I really do. I just can't. Sometimes... I feel like, like I really don't belong here. Like I'm supposed to be... someplace else.

Netherlands: Spain, son...

Spain:I know it doesn't make any sense. [Spain walks away and sings]

_I have often dreamed of a far off place_

_Where a great, warm welcome will be waiting for me_

_Where the crowds will cheer when they see me face_

_And a voice keeps sayin' this is where I'm meant to e_

_I will find my way_

_I can go the distance_

_I'll be there someday_

_If I can be strong_

_I know every mile_

_Will be worth my while_

_I would go most anywhere to feel like I belong_

[He returns home]

Netherlands: Spain, there's something your mother and I have been meaning to tell ya.

{Inside the house}

Spain: But if you found me, then where did I come from? Why was I left here?

Belgium: This was around your neck when we found you. It's the symbol of the gods.

Spain: This is it! Don't you see? Maybe they have the answers! I'll go to the temple of America and... Ma, Pop, you're the greatest parents anyone could have, but... I-I gotta know. {Next morning, Spain walks to the Temple and sings}

_I am on my way_

_I can go the distance_

_I don't care how far_

_Somehow I'll be strong_

_I know every mile _

_Will be worth my while_

_I would go most everywhere to find where I belong. _

[Spain enters the Temple of America]

Spain: Oh mighty America, please, hear me answer my prayer. I need to know: Who am I? Wh-where do I belong? [Wind blows, lightning hits the statue of America, flame ignites in braziers...] Huh? […and the statue of America comes to life]

America: My boy. My little Spain. [He reaches for Spain, who runs away, screaming and has a Prussia fail] Hey, hey, hey, hold on kiddo! What's your hurry? After all these years is this a kind of hello to give your father?

Spain: Father?

America: Didn't know you had a famous father, did you? Surprise! Look how you've grown. Why you've got your mother's beautiful eyes... and my strong chin. Hah!

Spain: I-I don't understand. If you are my father, that would make me a...

America: A god.

Spain: A god. A god!

America: Hey, you wanted answers, and by thunder, you're old enough to know the truth.

Spain: But why did you leave me on earth? Didn't you want me?

America: Of course we did. Your mother and I loved you with all our hearts but someone stole you from us and turned you mortal, and only gods can live on Mount Olympus.

Spain: And you can't do a thing?

America: I can't, Spain, but you can.

Spain: R-really? W-what? I-I'll do anything.

America: Spain, if you can prove yourself a true hero on Earth, your godhood will be restored!

Spain: A true hero. Great! Uh, exactly how do you become a true hero?

America: First, you must seek out some goat guy, the trainer of heroes.

Spain: Seek out a goat guy? Right I'll... [He falls off America's palm] Whoa!

America: Whoa! Hold your bulls! Which reminds me.. [America whistles and the Taurus flies through an opening in the roof] Ha-ha! You probably don't remember Taurus but you two go way back, son.

[Taurus sniffs Spain, then bonks foreheads with him and licks him]

Spain: Oh, Taurus!

America: He is a magnificent bull. With the brain of a bird.

Spain: I'll find this goat guy and become a true hero!

America: That's the spirit!

Spain: I won't let you down, father! Yee-haw!

America: Good luck, son.

[Spain flies away, singing:]

Spain:

_I will beat the odds_

_I can go the distance_

_I will face the world_

_Fearless, proud and strong_

_I will please the gods_

_I can go the distance_

_Till I find my hero's welcome right where I belong_


	3. Chapter 3

**AUTHORS NOTE: **So it didn't take me long to get this done, since I don't want my buddy Austria to kill me... =_=' So here's Part 3 just for you Austria now you don have to hate me =D K hope everyone is enjoying this. And again I will add I do not Own Hercules or Hetalia Thanks for reading and please comment.

Oh and one more thing. If there is any Disney movie or movie in general that you would like Spain and I to turn into a Hetalia film we would be happy to oblige. As long as we know what it is. It's helpful when you've seen the movie you know?

* * *

[Isle of the Goat Man]

Spain: You sure this is the right place? (He asks Taurus who nods a yes.) [Spain sees three Baltic's laughing in the trees, then he sees a goat's behind sticking from the bushes.] What's the matter, little guy? You stuck?

Goat Man: Whoa! Hey, butt out, buddy!

Spain: (makes disgusted face) Ugh.

[The Baltic's hear them and run off]

Goat Man: Boys! Stop! Stop! Come back, come back, come back. Whoa, whoa... [The Baltic he gets a hold on turns into flowers.] Oh, geez! Wait! Whoa, whoa, whoa! [Another Baltic turns into a tree.] Oh, Baltic's! They can't keep their hands off me!

Baltic AKA Latvia: Hey! (Its tree branch smacks him.)

Goat Man: (to Spain) What's the matter? You never seen a satyr before?

Spain: Uh... no. Can you help us? We're looking for some Goat Man who trains hero's...

Goat Man: Call me England.

[Spain Squeezes his hand]

Spain: England!

England: Ow!

Spain: Boy am I glad to meet you! I'm Spain. This is Taurus. [Taurus licks England]

England: Animals! Disgusting!

Spain: I need your help. I want to become a hero. A true hero.

England: Sorry, kid, can't help ya. (walks away to his house)

Spain: Wait!

[He pulls the door, England closed before him and raises it in the air with one hand]

England: Whoo!

Spain: Uh, sorry. Why not?

England: Two words: I am retired.

[Spain counts on his fingers]

Spain: Look, I gotta do this. Haven't you ever had a dream, something you wanted so bad you'd do anything?

England: (he sighs) Kid, come inside, I want to show you something.

[Inside, Spain hits his head against some wooden mast.]

England: Watch it! That was part of the mast of the Argo.

Spain: The Argo?

England: Yeah. Who do you think taught Jason how to sail? Grandpa Rome? I trained all those would-be heroes. Odysseus, Prussius, Turkius. A lot of "yeuseus." And every single one of those bums let me down. Flatter then a discus. None of them could go the distance. And then there was Achilles. Now there was a guy who had it all... the build, the foot speed. He could jab, he could take a hit, he could keep on comin'. But that furshlugginer heel of his! He barely gets nicked there once and... Kaboom! He's history. Yeah, I had a dream once. I dreamed I was gonna train the greatest hero there ever was. So great the gods would hang a picture of him in the stars... All across the sky, and people would say, "That's England's boy." That's right. Eh, but dreams are for rookies. A guy can only take so much disappointment.

Spain: But I am different than those other guys, England! I can go the distance. Come on, I'll show you.

England: (he grunts) Geez, you don't you give up, do ya?

Spain: Watch this.

[He raises something big which looked like a UFO and sends it flying away]

England: Holy Lili... You know maybe if I... No! Snap out of it! I am too old to get mixed up in this stuff again.

Spain: But if I don't become a true hero, I'll never be able to rejoin my father, America.

England: Hold it! America is your father, right?

Spain: Uh-huh.

England: (He laughs) America! The big guy. He's your daddy! Mr. Hamburger Bolts, read my a book, will ya... da-da? America! (Mimics America) Once upon a time...

Spain: It's the truth!

England: Please!

(Sings)

_So you wanna be a hero, kid, well, whoop-de-do_

_I have been around the block before with blockheads just like you_

_Each and every one was disappointment_

_Pain for which there ain't no ointment_

_So much for excuses_

_Though a kid of America's is_

_Asking me to jump into the fray_

_My answer is two words _

[Lightning hits England]

_Okay_

Spain: You mean you'll do it?

England: You win.

Spain: You won't be sorry, England.

England: Oh, gods.

Spain: So when do we start? Can we start now?

England: Oy, vay.

(England sings)

_I'd given up hope that someone would come along_

_A fella who'd ring the bell for once but not the gong_

_The kind who wins trophies_

_Won't settle for low fees_

_At least semipro fees_

_But no, I get the greenhorn_

_I've been out to pasture, pal, my ambition gone_

_Content to spend lazy days and to graze my lawn_

_But you need an adviser_

_A satyr, but wiser_

_A good merchandiser and... whoa!_

_There goes my ulcer_

_I'm down to one last hope and I hope it's you_

_Though, kid, you're not exactly a dream come true_

_I trained enough turkeys_

_Who never came through_

_You're my one last hope_

_So you'll have to do_

England: Rule #6: When rescuing a damsel, always handle with care. [Spain falls into the water with the fake damsel] No! Rule #95, kid: Concentrate! Rule #96: Aim! [Shows England who just dogged a bunch of daggers, one barely missing his vital regions]

(Singing)

_Demigods have faced the odds and ended up a mockery_

_Don't believe in the stories that you read on all the crockery_

_To be a true hero, kid, is a dying art_

_Like painting a masterpiece it's a work of heart_

_It takes more then sinew_

_Comes down to what's in you_

_You have to continue _

_To grow! _[Shows Spain's arm muscles breaking the measuring tape. Spain is now an adult]

England: Now that's more like it!

(singing)

_I'm down to one last shot and my last high note_

_Before that blasted underworld gets my goat_

_My dreams are on you, kid_

_Go make 'em come true_

_Climb that uphill slope_

_Keep pushing that envelope_

_You're my one last hope_

_And, kid, it's up to you_

_Yeah!_

Spain: Did you see that? [He says after finally beating England's obstacle course] Next stop, Olympus.

England: All right, just take it easy, champ.

Spain: I am ready, I want to get off this island. I want to see battles and monsters! Rescue some damsels... You know, heroic stuff.

England: Well...

Spain: Awe come on, England!

England: Well, okay, okay. You want a road test? Saddle up, kid. We're going to Thebes!

Spain: Yahoo! [Now flying on Taurus] So, what's in Thebes?

England: A lot of problems. It's a big tough town, good place to start building a rep. [they hear someone screaming] Sounds like your basic D.I.D... Damsel In Distress. [Spain directs Taurus towards the screams and they rush to help the Damsel. They land and see a guy being chased by a monster centaur]

Centaur AKA Prussia: Not so fast, sweetheart.

Damsel AKA Romano: I swear, Prussia. Put me down or I'll...

Prussia: Wooo! I like 'em fiery!

[In the bushes Spain gets angry, while England instructs...]

England: Now remember, kid. First, analyze the situation. Don't just barrel in there without thinking. Eh? [Spain walks up to Prussia and Romano] He's losing points for this!

Romano: You don't know what you're...

Spain: Halt!

Prussia: Step aside, two legs.

Spain: Pardon me, my good, uh, uh... sir. I'll have to ask you to release that young...

Romano: Keep movin' junior.

Spain:... man. But you... are-aren't you a damsel in distress?

Romano: I am a guy, I am in distress. I can handle this. Have a nice day.

Spain: Uh... *ahem* Sir, I'm afraid you may be too close to the situation to realize... [He takes his sword out and Prussia immediately hits him so he flies away]

England: Ohhh! What are you doin'? Get your sword!

Spain: (Searching in water) Sword. Right, right... Rule #15: A hero is only as good as his weapon! [He picks up a fish and directs it at Prussia. Prussia laughs and Romano looks bored. Prussia then hits Spain with a fist and Spain flies away again]

(England groans and tells to Taurus who rushes to help)

Whoa! Hold it! Hold on! He's gotta do it on his own. Come on, kid! Concentrate! Use your head!

Spain: Oh... [He runs and hits Prussia with his head. Prussia drops Romano and flies back]

England: All right! Not bad, kid. Not exactly what I had in mind, but not bad.

[Romano gets up from the water and coughs]

Spain: Oh, gee, Sir, I'm-I'm really sorry.

Romano: Oh.

Spain: That was dumb. [He picks Romano up and places him next to England]

Romano: Yeah.

[Prussia runs in again]

Spain: Excuse me.

[He attacks Prussia, hits his head several times and throws him]

England: Nice work! Excellente!

Romano: Is wonderboy here for real?

England: What are you talking about? Of course he's for real... (Notices Romano) Whoa! And by the way, sweet cheeks, I'm real too.

[England gets on Romano's lap, but he pushes him into the water]

Romano: Yuck, nasty goat bastard.

[Meanwhile, Spain is riding on Prussia]

Spain: Yee-hah! Yahoo! [He finishes Prussia in a spectacular fight] How was that, England?

England: Rein it in, rookie. You can get away with mistakes like those in the minor decathlons, but this is the big leagues!

Spain Sighs: At least I beat him. Didn't I?

England: Next time don't let your guard down because of a pair of big goo-goo eyes! D-oh! It's like I keep tellin' ya. You gotta stay focused, and you...

[Spain walks up to Romano]

Spain: Are you, uh, all right, Mr, uh

Romano: Romano. My friends call me Roma at least they would if I had any friends. So, did they give you a name along with all those rippling pectorals?

Spain: Uh, I'm, um, uh...

Romano: Are you always that articulate? [He turns to leave]

Spain: Spain. My... *****ahem* My name is Spain.

Romano: Spain, huh? I think I prefer wonderboy.

Spain: So, uh, how-how-how'd you get mixed up with the, uh...

Romano: Bastard with hooves? Well, you know how men are. They think that "no" means "yes" and "get lost" means "take me, I'm yours". [Spain looks confused as Romano leans in close for the take me I'm yours line] Don't worry, Shorty here can explain it to ya later.

[England growls]

Spain: Wait! Um... can we give you a ride?

[Taurus snorts, growls, and jumps to a high branch in a tree beside him]

Romano: Uh, I don't think your Pinto likes me very much.

Spain: Taurus? Oh, no, don't be silly. He'd be more than happy to... ow!

[Taurus drops an apple on Spain's head]

Romano: I'll be all right. I'm a big, tough boy. I tie my own sandals and everything. Bye-bye Wonderboy.

Spain: Bye... He's something, isn't he, England?

England: Yeah, oh yeah, he's really something. A real pain in the the patella! Earth to Spain! Come in Spain! We got a job to do, remember? Thebes is still waitin'.

Spain: Yeah. Yeah. I know.

[Romano walks into the forest and come upon a rabbit and a small gopher]

Romano: Awe... how cute. A couple of rodents looking for a theme park.

Switzerland: (as a bunny) Who you callin' a rodent, buddy? I'm a bunny!

Hungary: (as a gopher) A-and I'm his gopher.

Together: Ta-dah! (They turn into themselves)

Romano sighs: I thought I smelled a rat.

Austria: Roma.

Romano: Speak of the devil.

Austria: Roma, my little tomato, my little bird, my little nut, Roma. What exactly happened here? I thought you were gonna persuade the river guardian to join my team for the uprising, and here I am, kind of river guardian-less.

Romano: I gave it my best shot, but he made me an offer I had to refuse.

Austria: Fine. So, instead of subtracting two years from your sentence, hey, I'm gonna add two on, okay? Give that your best shot.

Romano: It wasn't my fault! It was that wonderboy, Spain.

Hungary: Spain? Why does that name ring a bell?

Switzerland: I don't know. Um, maybe we owe him money?

Austria: What was that name again?

Romano: Spain. He comes on with this big, innocent farm boy routine but I could see through that in a peloponnesian minute.

Switzerland: Wait a minute. Wasn't Spain the name of that kid we were supposed to...

Switzerland and Hungary: Oh my gods!

Hungary: Run for it!

Austria: So you took care of him, huh? Dead as a door nail. Weren't those your exact words? {Grabs them and brings them towards him}

Switzerland: This might be a different Spain.

Hungary: Yeah! I mean, Spain is a very popular name nowadays!

Switzerland: Remember, like, a few years ago every other boy was named Antonio and the girls were all named Elizabeth?

Austria: I am about to rearrange the Cosmos and the one shlemiel who can louse it up is waltzing around in the woods!

[Austria explodes]

Switzerland: Wait. Wait, big guy. We can still cut in on his waltzing.

Hungary: That's right! And-and-and at least we made him mortal, that's a good thing. Didn't we?

Austria: Hmm... Fortunately for the three of you we still have time to correct this rather egregious oversight. And this time, no foul-ups. [He says as he laughs maniacally and pulls his three minions towards his face]


	4. Chapter 4

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **Wow two chapter's in one day I'd say I was on a roll but uh ya... I cheated on a song and didn't put all of it up sorry guys but it was long... Promise it won't happen again.

Still hope everyone is enjoying this strange little parody, comment and share the love with others thanks.

* * *

Start for a Hero:

{Meanwhile, Spain and England are flying on Taurus}

Spain: Wow! Is that all one town? (he asks once he sees Thebes)

England: One town. A million troubles. The one and only Thebes. The big olive itself. If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere. [They enter the crowd] Stick with me, kid. This city is a dangerous place.

[They almost get hit by a passing carriage]

Driver: Look where you're goin' numbskull!

England: Hey, I'm walkin' here! You see what I mean? I'm tellin' you... wackos.

Man: Pita bread, pita bread, get your pita bread here!

Smuggler: Hey, Mack.

[He opens his coat at England and Spain]

England: Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Smuggler: Wanna buy a sundial?

England: He's not interested, all right? Come on, kid.

Italy: The end is coming! Can't you feel it?

England: Yes, yes. Thank you for the info. Yes. We'll ponder that for a while. (to Spain) Just stare at the sidewalk. Come on. Don't make eye contact. People here are nuts. That's because they live in a city of turmoil. Trust me, kid, you're gonna be just what the doctor ordered.

Woman AKA Belarus: It was tragic! We lost everything in the fire.

Man AKA Greece: Everything except old Snowball here.

[Snowball the cat meows]

Strong Man AKA Prussia: Now, were the fires before or after the earthquake?

Thin Woman AKA Ukraine: They were after the earthquake, I remember.

Belarus: But before the flood.

Another Man AKA Estonia: Don't even get me started on the crime rate.

Belarus: Thebes has certainly gone downhill in a hurry.

Estonia: Tell me about it. It seems like every time I turn around there's some new monster wreaking havoc and I...

Prussia: All we need now is a plague of locusts.

[Frog jumps in and scares everybody]

Estonia: That's it! I'm movin' to Sparta!

Spain: Excuse me. It uh *ahem* seems to me that what you folks need is a hero.

Prussia: Yeah, and who are you?

Spain: (he kind of stairs at Prussia for a second thinking he looked familiar) Didn't I... (he shakes his head and ignores his thoughts) I'm Spain, and, uh, I happen to be... a hero.

[The crowd laughs]

Estonia: Is that so?

Belarus: A hero!

Estonia: Have you ever reversed a natural disaster?

Spain: Well, uh... no.

Prussia: Oh, listen to this. He's just another chariot chaser. This we need.

Belarus: That's a laugh.

England: Don't you pea brains get it?

Belarus: Hmm?

England: This kid is a genuine article.

Greece: Hey, isn't that the goat-man who trained Achilles?

England: (getting angry) Watch it pal.

Prussia: Yeah, you're right. Hey, nice job on those heels! Ya missed a spot!

England: I got your heel right here! (hits Prussia down and starts beating him.) I'll wipe that stupid grin off your face! You...

Spain: Hey England! England! England! Take it easy, England. [He picks England up off of Prussia]

Prussia: What are you, crazy? Sheesh.

Belarus: Young man, we need a professional hero. Not an amateur.

Spain: Well, wait. Stop! (sighs) How am I supposed to prove myself a hero if nobody will give me a chance?

England: You'll get your chance, you just need some kind of catastrophe or disaster.

[Romano appears in the crowd]

Romano: Please! Help! Please! There's been a terrible accident!

Spain: Romano?

England: Speaking of disasters.

Romano: Wonderboy! Spain! Thank goodness!

Spain: Wh-what's wrong?

Romano:Outside of town, two little boys, they were playing in the gorge. There was a rock slide, a terrible rock slide. They're trapped!

Spain: Kids? Trapped? England, this is great!

Romano: You are really choked up about this, aren't ya?

Spain: (drags Romano along) Come on!

Romano: No, I... You don't under... I have this terrible fear of heights! (He says as he ends up on the back of Taurus with Spain)

England: (running) I'm right behind ya, kid! Whoo! (panting) I am way behind ya, kid. (sputtering) Ugh I got a fur wedgie.

[Spain and Romano land and Spain dismounts from Taurus]

Spain: Are you okay?

Romano: I'll be fine. Just get me down before I ruin the upholstery.

Switzerland as a boy AKA Holy Roman Empire: Help! I can't breathe! (He shouts from behind the boulders)

Hungary as a boy AKA Chibitalia: Hurry!

Holy Rome: Get us out!

Chibitalia: We're suffocating! Somebody call IX-I-I.

Spain: Easy fellas, you'll be all right. (He says to them as he starts to pry the rocks out of the way.)

Holy Rome: We can't last much longer!

Chibitalia: Get us out before we get crushed!

[Spain raises a huge boulder. The kids run out from under it and the crowd applaud lightly]

Spain: How you boys doin'?

Chibitalia: We're okay now.

Holy Rome: Jeepers, mister, you're really strong!

Spain: (still holding the stone) Well, try to be a little more careful next time, okay, kids?

Holy Rome: We sure will!

[They run away, up the slope and face Austria]

Austria: A stirring performance, boys. I was really moved.

Hungary: "Jeepers, Mister"?

Switzerland: I was going for innocence.

Austria: And, hey, two thumbs way, way up for our leading lady. (looking at Romano) What a dish, what a doll.

Romano: (says quietly) Get outta there, you big tomato head, while you still can.

Spain: England, I did great. They even applauded... sort of.

[Growling sound appears]

England: Huh! I hate to burst your bubble, kid, but that ain't applause.

[Hydra appears]

Spain: En-En-En-England? What do you call that thing?

England: Two words! Am-scray!

Austria: Let's get ready to rumble!

[Hydra and Spain start fighting]

England: That's it. Dance around! Dance around! Watch the teeth. Watch the teeth. Keep going. Come on. Come on. Lead with your left. Lead with your left! Your other left!

[Spain gets eaten. The crowd goes silent. After a few moments, Spain finally cuts the head of the Hydra off from inside it. The Crowd Cheers]

England: All right! All right! You bad! Okay!

Spain: See, England? That... that wasn't so hard.

[He is covered in green gunk. He drops his sword and falls on the ground]

England: Kid, kid, kid, how many horns do you see?

Spain: Six?

England: Eh, close enough. Let's get you cleaned up.

[Above in Austria's watching place, Hungary shivers and gulps]

Austria: Guys, guys, relax. It's only halftime.

[Below, Spain and England hear rumbling from the Hydra's body]

England: That doesn't sound good.

[The Hydra grows three new heads]

England: Definitely not good!

[Spain gets on Taurus. He fights the with the Hydra and keeps slicing her heads off, getting more and more new ones]

England: Will you forget that head-slicing thing?

[Spain gets knocked off of Taurus and falls among the heads and necks of the Hydra]

Spain: England, I don't think we covered this one in basic training!

[Spain escapes, but falls back from the cliff and is now pressed against the wall by the Hydra's paw]

Austria: My favorite part of the game: sudden death.

[Spain crushes a rock on the Hydra and gets buried under rocks himself]

England: Oh! There goes another one. Just like Achilles.

Austria: Game. Set. Match.

[Spain appears from Hydra's dead paw. Crowd cheers really loud now]

Spain: England, you gotta admit, that was pretty heroic.

England: Ya did it, kid! Ya did it! You won by a landslide!

[Above]

Hungary: Austria mad...

Romano: Well. What do ya know?

{Cut to Nordics}

Finland (sings): _From that day forward, our boy Spain could do no wrong. _(spoken) He was so hot, steam looked cool. Oh, yeah!

Denmark: _Bless my soul, Spain was on a roll. Person of the week in every greek opinion poll._

Norway: _What a pro!_

Finland:

_Spain could stop a show_

_Point him at a monster and you're talkin' S.R.O._

_He was a no one_

_A zero, a zero_

_Now he's a honcho_

_He's a hero!_

_He was a kid with his act down pat_

_Zero to hero in no time flat_

_Zero to hero_

_Just like that_

_When he smiled the girls went wild_

_Oooohh ahhhhhhh._

Denmark: _And they slapped his face on every vase_

Iceland: _On every "Vahse"!_

Nordics:

_From appearance fees and royalties_

_Our Spain had cash to burn_

_now nouveau riche and famous_

_He could tell you what's a grecian urn_

_Say amen_

_There he goes again_

_Sweet and underrated_

_And an awesome ten for ten_

_Folks lined up just to watch him flex_

_And this perfect package packed a pair of pretty pecs_

_Hercie, he comes, he sees, he conquers_

_Honey, the crowds were goin' bonkers_

_He showed the moxie brains and spunk... yeah!_

_From zero to hero_

_A major hunk_

_Zero to hero_

_And who'd have thunk..._

_Who put the glad in gladiator. Ect... ect... [(sorry guys this song is way to long)]_

[Throughout the song you see Spain being paraded with riches and fighting off monsters, being loved by all and what not.]

Iceland: _Yes indeed!_

[Austria practices shooting at targets]

Austria: Pull!

Romano: Nice shooting, Rex.

Austria: I can't believe this guy. I throw everything I've got at him. And it doesn't even... (See's Switzerland wearing Spain(tm) sandals) What are those?

Switzerland: Um... I don't know. I thought they looked kinda dashing.

Austria: I've got 24 hours to get rid of this bozo, or the entire scheme I've been setting up for 18 years goes up in smoke and you are wearing his merchandise!

[Hungary interrupts them by slurping some cola from a Spain(tm) plastic cup]

Hungary: Thirsty?

[Austria yells, causing a small earthquake]

Romano: Looks like your game's over. Wonderboy is hitting every curve you throw at him.

Austria: Oh yeah... I wonder if maybe I haven't been throwing the right curves at him. Roma, my sweet. (He says as he outlines Romano's body with a gray mist.)

Romano: Don't even go there.

Austria: See, he's gotta have a weakness, because everybody's got a weakness I mean for what? Pandora, it was the box thing, for the Trojans, hey, they bet on the wrong horse, okay? We simply need to find out Wonderboy's.

Romano: I've done my part. Get your little imps...

Austria: They couldn't handle him as a baby. I need someone who can... handle him as a man.

Romano: Hey I've sworn of manhandling.

Austria: Well, you know, that's good because that's what got you into this jam in the first place, isn't it? You sold your soul to me to save your boyfriend's life. And how does this creep thank you? By running off with some babe. He hurt you real bad, didn't he, Roma? Huh?

Romano: Look, I learned my lesson, okay?

Austria: Which is exactly why I got a feelin' you're gonna leap at my new offer. You give me the key to bringing down wonder breath and I give you the thing that you crave most in the entire Cosmos: (he whispers in Romano's ear): your freedom.


	5. Chapter 5

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** All righty so here's the next part, and there's only one more after this one. Then Spain and I will be starting something new dif Disney movie Dif Hetalia Paring. You should be excited haha jk. Anyways enjoy, comment, you know the usual. Have a nice day.

* * *

Hero in Love:

{Temple of America}

Spain: You should have been there, father! I mangled the minotaur, grappled with the Gorgon, just like England told me. I analyzed the situation, controlled my strength and kicked! The crowds went wild! Thank you, thank you.

America: Hah! You're doin' great, son. You're doin' your old man proud.

Spain: I am glad to hear you say that, father. I've been waiting for this day a long time.

America: Hmm... What day is that, son?

Spain: The day I rejoin the gods.

America: You've done wonderfully, you really have, my boy. You're just not there yet. You haven't proved yourself a true hero.

Spain: But father, I've beaten every single monster I've come up against. I'm-I'm an action figure! (pulls out an action figure of himself and squeezes it to make his muscles bulge.

America: I'm afraid being famous is not the same as being a true hero.

Spain: What more can I do?

America: It's something you have to discover for yourself.

Spain: But how can I...

America: Look inside your heart.

[Lightning strikes and statue of America becomes inanimate]

Spain: Father, wait!

{In the city, a carriage passes past rich gates}

Guide: On your left is Spain's villa. My next stop is the Pecs and Flex gift shop where you can pick up the great Hero's 30-minute workout scroll "Buns of Bronze"

{Inside the villa, Spain is posing for a picture on a vase, dressed in the skin of the lion Skar from Disney's The Lion King}

England: At 1:00 you got a meeting with king Augeas. He's got a problem with his stables. I'd advise you not to wear your new sandals.

Spain: England?

Artist: I told you, don't move!

England: D.G.R., the Daughters of the Greek Revolution.

Spain: England?

England: At 3:00 you gotta get a girdle from some amazons.

Spain: (drops the club and shield he was holding) England, what's the point?

Artist: (screams) That's it!

England: Keep your toga on, pal.

[Artist throws the paints on England, making him look like a clown and leaves]

England: What do you mean, "what's the point"? You wanna go to Olympus, don't ya?

Spain: Yeah, but this stuff doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere.

[He throws the skin of Skar to England]

England: (wiping the paint off his face with the skin) You can't give up now, I'm counting on ya.

Spain: I gave this everything I had.

England: Listen to me, kid. I seen 'em all. And I am tellin' you... and this is the honest-to-America truth... You got somethin' I never seen before.

Spain: Really?

England: I can feel it right down to these stubby bowlegs of mine. There is nothin' you can't do kid.

[Door opens and fan girls scream]

Fan Girls: It's him!

England: Hey, watch it! Watch it! Watch... (They run over and tromple Spain)

Fan Girl AKA France: I touched his elbow!

Fan Girl 2 AKA Prussia: I got his sweatband!

Spain: England, help!

England: Okay, escape plan beta.

Spain: Gotcha.

[England blows whistle, fan girls look at him for a moment and Spain disappears]

Prussia: Hey! Where is he?

England: There he goes! On the verranda!

[Girls run away, England too, but when the door closes, Romano appears behind it. He walks and sees Spain's toes under a curtain]

Romano: Let's see, what could be behind curtain number one? (he says as he pulls the curtain back to expose Spain with his clothes all messed up.)

Spain: Roma!

Romano: It's all right. The sea of raging hormones has ebbed.

Spain: Gee, i-i-it's great to see you. I-I-I missed you.

Romano: (drops down on a couch) So, this is what hero's do on their days off.

Spain: I am no hero...

Romano: Sure you are. Everybody in Greece thinks you're the greatest thing since they put the pasta in the tomato sauce.

Spain: (laughs) I know. It's-it's crazy you know, I can't go anywhere without being mobbed, I mean...

Romano: Ah. You sound like you could use a break. Think your nanny goat would go berserk if you played hooky this afternoon?

Spain: Oh gee. I-I don't know, uh, England's got the rest of the day pretty much booked.

Romano: Ah, England, Shmingland... Just follow me. Out the window, round the dumbells, you lift us up over the back wall and we're gone.

{Evening, outdoors}

Spain: Wow. What a day. First that restaurant by the bay,

Romano: Mmm...

Spain: and then that, that play, that, that Oedipus thing. Man! I thought I had problems.

[Both chuckle and such, two little birds sitting nearby turn into Hungary and Switzerland to speak to Roma]

Hungary: Psst! Stop foolin' around!

Switzerland: Yeah. Get the goods, brother!

[Spain turns back and they turn into birds and tweet innocently]

Spain: I didn't know that playing hooky could be so much fun.

Romano: Yeah. Neither did I? (he says feeling slightly guilty)

Spain: Thanks, Meg.

Romano: Oh... Don't thank me just yet. Oh!

[He falls into Spain's arms]

Spain: Oops, careful.

Romano: Sorry. Weak ankles.

Spain: Oh yeah? Well, maybe you better sit down for a while.

[He carries him over to a bench and they sit down]

Romano: So, uh, do you have any problems with things like... this?

[He stretches his leg and holds his foot right in front of Spain's face]

Spain: Uh...

Romano: Weak ankles, I mean.

Spain: Oh. Uh, no. Not really.

Romano: (moves closer to him) No weaknesses whatsoever? No trick knee?

Spain: Uh...

Romano: (moves even closer) Ruptured... disks?

Spain: No. I'm-I'm afraid I'm, uh... fit as a fiddle.

[He finally stands up from the bench]

Romano: Wonderboy, you are perfect.

Spain: Thanks. [He sends a flat rock jumping on water in a fountain and it breaks the arms off the statue of Venus] Whoops.

Romano: It looks better that way. [He says as he looks it over] No, it really does.

Spain: You know, when I was a kid I, I would have given anything to be exactly like everybody else.

Romano: You wanted to be petty and dishonest?

Spain: Everybody's not like that.

Romano: Yes they are.

Spain: You're not like that.

Romano: How do you know what I'm like?

Spain: All I know is... You're the most amazing person with... weak ankles, I've ever met. [Romano steps back and gets pricked on an arrow of a tiny statue of Amur] Roma, when I'm with you I-I don't feel so... alone.

Romano: Sometimes it's better to be alone.

Spain: What do you mean?

Romano: Nobody can hurt you.

Spain: Roma? I would never ever hurt you.

Romano: And I don't wanna hurt you, so... let's both do ourselves a favor and... stop this... um... before... we...

[Their lips met for the kiss, but the moment before it happens a bright light flashes into their eyes. It's England, on Taurus, impersonating a police helicopter]

England: All right! Break it up! Break it up! Party's over! I been lookin' all over this town!

Romano: Calm down, mutton man! It was all my fault.

England: You're already on my list, sister, so don't make it worse. [Taurus snorts at Romano, he snorts back, turning off the light] And as for you, ya bum, you're gonna go to the stadium and you're gonna be put through the workout of your life! Now get on the bull.

Spain: Okay, okay.

Romano: I'm sorry.

Spain: Ah, he'll get over it.

[He bends a huge tree casually and picks a flower off it, gives it to Romano and kisses him on the cheek]

England: Move! Move, move,move, move, move! Move! (Spain's on Taurus now and they fly away) Whoo! Ya-eee! Hey, watch it, watch it! Whoo! Watch it! Keep your goo-goo eyes on the [A branch finally hits England and he falls on the ground] That's it. Next time, I drive.

[Romano sits alone and smells the flower]

Romano: Oh. What's the matter with me? You'd think a guy would learn...

(sings)

_If there's a prize for rotten judgment_

_I guess I've already won that_

_No man is worth the aggravation_

_That's ancient history been there, done that._

_Nodics: Who d'ya think you're kidding? He's the Earth and Heaven to you. Try to keep it hidden, honey we can see right through you._

_Romano: Oh, Nooooohoooohoooooo._

_Nordics: Boy, you can't conceal it_

_ We know how you feel and_

_ Who you're thinkin' of_

_Romano: Oh-no, no chance, no way, I won't say it, no, no._

_Nordics: You swoon, you sigh, why deny it, uh-oh?_

_Romano: It's too cliche, I won't say I'm in love._

_Nordics: Shoo-doo, shoo-doo, oo-oo-oo._

_Romano: I thought my heart had learned its lesson. It feels so good when you start out._

_Nordics: Ahhhhh..._

_Romano: My head is screaming get a grip, boy. Unless you're dyin' to cry your heart out, ohhhoooo._

_Nordics: You keep on denying_

_ Who you are and how you're feelin'_

_ Baby we're not buyin' hon,_

_ We saw you hit the ceilin'_

_ Face it like a grownup, when you gonna own up that you_

_ Got_

_ Got_

_ Got it bad_

_Romano: Oh, no chance, no way, I won't say it, no, no._

_Nordics: Give up, but give in, Check the grin, you're in love_

_Romano: This scene won't play, I won't say I'm in love_

_Nordics: You're doing flips, read our lips, you're in love. Shoo-doo, shoo-doo_

_Romano: You're way off base, I won't say it._

_Nordics: She won't say in love._

_Romano: Get off my case, I won't say it._

_Nordics: Boy, don't be proud, it's okay, you're in love._

_Romano: Oh... At least out loud I won't say I'm in love..._

_Nordics: Shoo-doo, shoo-doo, shoo-doo, shoo-doo. Sha-la-la-la-la-la Haaaa._

[Austria appears]

Austria: Hey, what's the buzz, huh, Roma? What is the weak link in the Wonderboy's chain?

Romano: Get yourself another guy, I'm through.

Austria: I'm sorry. Do you mind runnin' that by me again? I must have had a chunk of brimstone wedged in my ear or something.

Romano: Then read my lips! Forget it!

Austria: Roma, Roma, Roma, my sweet deluded little minion. Aren't we forgetting one teensy-weensy, but ever so crucial little, tiny detail? [He bursts into flame] I own you!

[England comes too his senses on the ground nearby]

England: Oh. I got another horn here...

Austria: (to Roma) You work for me!

England: That kid's gonna be doin' laps for a month.

Austria: If I say, "sing", you say, "hey, name that tune" If I say, "I want Wonderboy's head on a platter" you say...

Romano: Medium or well done.

England: Oh! I knew that dame was trouble. This is gonna break the kid's heart.

Romano: I'll work on that.

[England runs away]

Austria: I'm sorry... You hear that sound? That's the sound of your freedom fluttering out the window forever.

Romano: I don't care. I'm not gonna help you hurt him.

Austria: I can't believe you are getting so worked up about some guy.

Romano: This one is different. He's honest, and-and he's sweet...

Austria: Pleaaase!

Romano: He would never do anything to hurt me.

Austria: He's a guy!

Romano: Besides, oh, oneness, you can't beat him. He has no weaknesses, he's gonna...

Austria: I think... he does, Roma. I truly think... he does.


	6. Chapter 6

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** OK so here's the last chapter. Have fun readin it and comment thanks. Next story will be up soon enough hopefully. Hope you enjoyed Romano's rendition of Hercules thanks and have a nice day.

* * *

The End:

{Stadium, Spain is doing exercises}

Spain: Ha-ha! Whoo-hoo! [England walks in sad] Hey, England! What happened to you?

England: Kid, we gotta talk.

Spain: Oh, England, I just had the greatest day of my life! I-I can't stop thinking about Roma. He's something else.

England: Kid! I'm tryin' to talk to ya! Will you come down here and listen? [He says to Spain who's spinning around on a poll vaulting thing]

Spain: Aw, how can I come down there when I'm feeling so up?

[He jumps up into clouds. Meanwhile a Taurus mare appears and makes Taurus follow her. In a pen, the mare splits in two parts which turn into Switzerland and Hungary]

Switzerland: Gotcha!

[Back in the stadium]

England: Ah, very nice! I'm trying to say is...

Spain: That if it wasn't for you, I never would have met him. Oh, I owe ya big time. Little guy, I do.

England: Will you just knock it off for a couple of seconds?

Spain: Rule #38, come on, England, keep them up there, huh? England, I got two words for ya: Duck!

[Spain pretend fights with England and England grabs his hands]

England: Listen to me! He's...

Spain: A dream come true?

England: Not exactly.

Spain: More beautiful then France?

England: Aside from that!

Spain: The most wonderful...

England: He's a fraud! He's been playin' ya for a sap!

Spain: Awe, come on. Stop kiddin' around.

Phil:I'm not kiddin' around.

Spain: I know you're upset about today, but that's no reason to...

England: Kid, you're missin' the point.

Spain: The point is... I love him.

England: He don't love you.

Spain: You're crazy.

England: He's nothin' but a two-timin',

Spain: Stop it!

England: no-good, lyin', schemin...

Spain: (hits England) Shut up! [England flies back and hits a rack of weights] England, I... Oh, I'm, I'm sorry.

England: Okay, okay, that's it. You won't face the truth? Fine.

Spain: England, wait. Where are you going?

England: I'm hoppin' the first barge out of here. I'm goin' home.

Spain: Fine! G-Go! I don't... I don't need you.

England: I thought you were gonna be the all-time champ. Not the all-time chump.

[England leaves. Austria pops up]

Austria: Geez Louise! What got his goat, huh? Baboom. Name is Austria, Lord of the Dead. Hi. How ya doin'?

Spain: Not now, okay?

Austria: Hey, hey. I only need a few seconds and I'm a fast talker, all right? See, I've got this major deal in the works. A real estate venture, if you will. And Spain, you little devil you, may I call you Spain? You seem to be constantly getting in the way of it.

Spain: You've got the wrong guy.

Austria: Hear me out, ya little... Heh-heh. Just... hear me out, okay? So I would be eternally grateful if you would just... take a day off from this hero business of yours. Geez, I mean, monsters, natural disasters. Phew, you what a day, okay?

Spain: You're out of your mind.

Austria: Not so fast, because, ya see, I do have a little leverage... You might wanna know about.

[Austria snaps his fingers and Romano appears]

Spain: Roma!

Romano: Don't listen, Spa... [He disappears]

Spain: Let him go!

Austria: Here's the trade-off. You give up your strength for about 24 hours, okay? Say, the next 24 hours and Roma here is free as a bird and safe from harm. We dance, we kiss, we schmooze, we carry on, we go home happy. What d'ya say? Come on. [Romano pops up with chains around him so he can't move]

Spain: People are, are gonna get hurt, aren't they?

Austria: Nah! I mean, it's, you know, it's a possibility. It happens 'cause, you know, it's war, but what can I tell ya? Anyway, what do you owe these people, huh? Isn't Roma... little smoochy face... isn't he more important then they are? [He plays with Romano's face to taught Spain]

Spain: Stop it!

Austria: Isn't he?

Spain: You gonna swear he'll be safe from any harm.

Austria: Fine, okay, I'll five you that one. Roma is safe, otherwise you get your strength right back, yadda-yadda, fine print, boilerplate, baboom. Okay? We're done, what d'ya say we shake on it? Hey, I really don't have, like time to bat this around. I'm kind of on a schedule here, I got plans for August. Okay? I need an answer, like, now. Going once, going twice.

Spain: All right!

Austria: Yes, we're there! Bam!

[They shake hands and Austria takes the strength from Spain]

Austria: You may feel just a little quesy, it's kinda natural. Maybe you should sit down. [Austria tosses a weight bar at Spain and it pins him to the ground.] Now you know how it feels to be just like everybody else. Isn't it just peachy? [He gets real close to Spain's face when he says that] Oh! You'll love this. [He grabs Romano] One more thing. Roma, babe. A deal's a deal. You're off the hook. By the way, Spain. Is he not, like, a fabulous little actor?

Romano: Stop it! [He tries to get away, but Austria holds him tighter.]

Spain: What do you mean?

Austria: I mean your little chickie-poo here was working for me all the time. Duh.

Spain: You're... you're lying! [Who is no longer under the weights]

Hungary as Chibitalia: Help! (coughs)

Switzerland as Holy Rome: Jeepers, mister, you're really strong. [He pulls Spain down easily] (now in his normal voice) Ha-ha!

Austria: Couldn't have done it without you, sugar, sweetheart, babe.

Romano: No! It's not like that! I didn't mean to... I-I couldn't... I... I'm so sorry.

Switzerland and Hungary: Our hero's a zero! Our hero's a zero!

Austria: Well, gotta blaze. There's a whole cosmos up there waiting for me with, hey, my name on it. So much for the preliminaries, and now on to the main event!

{The stars are aligned and the gate to the Titans opens}

Austria: Brothers! Titans! Look at you in you squalid prison! Who put you down there?

Titans: America!

Austria: And now that I set you free, what is the first thing you are going to do?

Titans: Destroy him!

[Austria frees the Titans]

Austria: Good answer.

Lythos: Crush America!

Hydros: Freeze him!

Pyros: Melt America!

Stratos: Blow him away!

Titans: America!

Austria: Uh, Guys? Olympus would be that way.

Lythos: America!

Hydros: Freeze him!

Austria: Hold it, bright eye.

Cyclops: Huh?

Austria: I have a special job for you, my optic friend.

[Olympus. Italy sees the Titans first]

Italy: Ah. Huh?

Lythos: Destroy America!

Italy: Oh, we're in trouble! Oh, big trouble! I gotta... [He zooms to Olympus] My Lord and Lady, the Titans have escaped. And they're practically at our gates!

America: Sound the alarm! Launch an immediate counterattack! Go! Go!

Italy: Gone, babe.

[Gods prepare to battle]

Germany: Charge! On to battle!

America: (Throwing hamburger bolts at Lythos in vain) Yee-hah!

Prussia: (Getting sucked in by Stratos) You windbag!

Austria: (watching this) Boom, badda-boom, boom, boom! Hah!

[Meanwhile, Cyclops looks for Spain, causing destruction in Thebes]

Cyclops: Spain! Where are you?

Belgium: What can we do?

Prussia: Where's Spain?

Estonia: Yeah, Spain'll save us.

Cyclops: Spain! Come out! Face me!

Romano: (to Spain who starts to leave) What are you doing? Without your strength, you'll be killed.

Spain: There are worse things.

Cyclops: Run!

Romano: Wait! Stop!

Prussia: Hey, look! It's Spain!

Belgium: Thank the gods, we're saved!

Cyclops: So, you mighty Spain.

[He hits Spain who flies away and hits a mosaic of himself. Meanwhile Romano finds Taurus tied up in the stables]

Romano: Easy, tomatofeathers. Whoa! Stop twitching, listen. Ah! Spain is in trouble. We gotta find England, he's the only one who can talk some sense into Spain.

[Meanwhile in Olympus, battle between America and the Titans goes on]

America: Get back, damn you!

[Lythos smashes the gates of Olympus open]

Austria: Ooh, chihuahua.

Lythos: America!

[England is going to leave Thebes and is walking to a boat]

Sailor: Come on! Hurry up! We're shovin' off here!

Romano: England! England, Spain needs your help!

England: What does he need me for when he's got friends like you?

Romano: He won't listen to me.

England: Good! He's finally learned something.

Romano: Look, I know what I did was wrong, but this isn't about me, it's about him. If you don't help him now, England, he'll die.

[Olympus]

America: I need more Hamburger Bolts!

Italy: Uh, Russia has been captured, my Lord. Everyone's been captured, yah! [Hungary and Switzerland get him] I've been captured! Hey, hey! Watch the glasses!

[Pyros and Hydros make a mountain of ice and fire with America on top]

Austria: Mercy, I'm home!

America: Austria! Your behind this!

Austria: You are correct, sir!

[Thebes]

[Cyclops tosses Spain and plays with him]

Cyclops: Flea!

England: Spain!

Spain: England... [Spain gets tossed at some stuff and England goes to talk to him]

England: Come on, kid, come on. Fight back. Come on, you can take this bum, this guys a pushover, look at him.

Spain: You were right all along, England. Dreams are for rookies.

England: No, no, no, no, kid, givin' up is for rookies. I came back 'cause I'm not quittin' on ya. I'm willing to go the distance, how 'bout you?

[Cyclops grabs Spain again]

Cyclops: Me bite off head!

[Spain burns Cyclops' face with a burning stick he managed to grab]

England: Whoa, baby!

[While Cyclops is yelling and drops Spain, Spain ties up his legs and Cyclops falls off a cliff. His fall makes a quake, from which a pillar starts falling on Spain]

Romano: Spain! Look out!

[He pushes him out of the pillar's way and is struck by the pillar]

Spain: Roma! No! [Spain raises the pillar, and starts getting his strength back] What's happening?

Romano: Austria's deal is broken. He promised I wouldn't get hurt.

Spain: Roma. Why, why did you... you didn't have to...

Romano: Oh. People always do crazy things... when they're in love.

Spain: Oh, Roma. Roma, I...I

Romano: Are you... always this articulate? You, you haven't got much time. You can still stop Austria.

England: I'll watch over him, kid.

Spain: You're gonna be all right. I promise. Let's go Taurus!

[Olympus. Gods in chains]

Switzerland: Hup, two, three, four, come on, everybody! I can't hear you!

Italy: Oh, oh!

America: (Being frozen from one side and burnt from another) I swear to you, Austria, when I get out of this...(He is finally buried under molten rock)

Austria: I'm the one giving orders now, hamburger boy. And I think I'm gonna like it here.

Spain: Don't get too comfortable, Austria!

Germany: Spain!

Spain: This oughta even the odds!

[He breaks the chain by which the gods were chained]

Italy: (hitting Switzerland and Hungary) Yeah, Spain! Thank you, man!

Austria: Get them!

[Pyros misses Spain and covers Austria in molten lava]

Austria: Whoa! Hey! No! Get him, not me! Him! Follow the fingers! Him! [Ice storm from Hydros who was trying to hit Spain freezes Austria] The yutz with the bull!

[Spain opens the stone block and releases America]

America: Thank you, my boy.

[Meanwhile Taurus chases Switzerland and Hungary]

Switzerland: Nice bull! My intentions were pure! I really was attracted to you.

America: (To Russia) Throw! [He catches two Hamburger bolts] Hah! Now watch your old man work!

Lythos: Uh-oh.

[Lighting explode heads of Lythos, other Titans leave]

Austria: Guys, get your titanic rears in gear and kick some olympian butt! [Taurus blows Austria's head and blue fire which was on his head goes out] Whoa, is my hair out?

[Spain meanwhile catches Stratos and sucks him into Lythos, Hydros, and Pyros. He launches them into the sky where they all explode]

America: (high-fiving Spain) Hah!

Spain: Whoo-hoo!

Austria: (leaves) Thanks a ton, Wonderboy. But at least I've got one swell consolation prize... A friend of your's who's dying to see me.

Spain: Roma!

[Turkey cuts thread of life and Romano is dead]

Spain: (arrives to see him) Roma. Roma, no!

England: Oh, I'm sorry, kid. There's some things you just can't change.

Spain: Yes I can.

[In the underworld]

Austria: We were so close! So close. We tripped the finish line. Why? Because our little tomato, Roma, has to go all noble.

[Cerberus the three-headed dog breaks the wall, Spain is on top of his middle head]

Spain: Where's Roma?

Austria: Oh, look who's here. Wonderboy, you are too much.

Spain: (Grabs Austria) Let him go.

Austria: Get a grip! Come here, come here. Let me show you around. [They walk around the underworld] Hmph. Well, well. It's a small underworld after all, huh?

[They come to a the shore of a river. Spain see's Romano in it]

Spain: Roma! Ahh! [His hands which he put in the water turn old]

Austria: No, no, no. Mustn't touch. You see, Roma's running with a new crowd these days. And not a very lively one, at that.

Spain: You like making deals. Take me in Roma's place.

Austria: Oh, well. The son of my hated rival trapped forever in a river of death.

Spain: Going once!

Austria: Hmm. Is there a downside to this?

Spain: Going twice!

Austria: Okay, okay, okay, okay. You get him out... she goes, you stay. [Spain dives] Oh, you know what that slipped my mind? You'll be dead before you can get to him. That's not a problem, is it?

[Spain swims, turning older and older. Turkey goes to cut the thread of life, but it suddenly shines and the scissors don't cut it]

Turkey: Oh?

Egypt: What's the matter with these scissors?

Greece: The thread won't cut.

[Spain's thread of life starts shinning again as Spain comes out of from the river with the soul of Romano]

Austria: This is... this is impossible! You, you, you can't be alive! You'd have to be a, a...

Switzerland and Hungary: A god?

Austria: Spain, stop! You can't do this to me. You can't... [Spain hits him in the face] Fine. Okay. Listen. Hah. Okay, well, I deserved that, Spain, Spain, Spain. Can we talk? Y-your dad, he's a fun guy, right? So maybe you could put in a word with him and he'd kinda blow this whole thing, off, you know? Roma, Roma, talk to him, a little schmooze... [Spain hits Austria harder and he flies away into the river of death. Souls try to drown him] Eew! Get away from me! Don't touch me! Get your slimy souls off me! Ooh, ah...

Hungary: He's not gonna be happy when he gets outta there.

Switzerland: You mean, if he gets outta there.

Hungary: If. IF is good.

Austria: Taxi! I don't feel so good, I feel a little...

[He disappears]

[Outside, Spain brings the soul of Romano and puts it inside his body]

Romano: Wonderboy, what... why did you?

Spain: Huh. People always do crazy things... when they are in love.

[They go for a kiss, but suddenly a cloud appears under their feet, sent by America, and they fly to Olypmus]

Prussia: Three cheers for the mighty Spain!

Italy: Oh, yeah! Pasta for everybody! Oh!

Lili: Spain, we're so proud of you.

Spain: Mother.

America: Hah! Fine work, my boy! You've done it! You're a true hero.

Lili: You were willing to give your life to rescue this young woman.

America: For a true hero isn't measured by the size of his strength, but by the strength of his heart. Now, at last, my son, you can come home.

[Gates open, gods cheer for Spain. Romano is left behind]

Romano: Congratulations, Wonderboy. You'll make one heck of a god.

[Spain turns around and sees him leaving]

Spain: Father, this is the moment I've always dreamed of... But... [He goes to Romano and takes his hand] A life without Roma, even an immortal life, would be... empty. I...I wish to stay on Earth with him.

[America nods, they finally kiss and Spain stops shining]

Italy: Hit it, Boys!

Nordics sing:

_Oh, gonna shout it from the mountaintops_

_A star is born! _

_It's the time for pulling out the stops_

_A star is born!_

_Honey, hit us with a hallelujah_

_That kid came shining through_

_Boy, sing the song_

_Come blow your horn_

_A star is born!_

_He's a hero who can please the crowd_

_A star is born!_

_Just remember in the darkest hour_

_Within you hear's the power_

_For makin' you_

_A hero too_

[Here the Constellation of Spain appears]

_So don't lose hope_

_When you're forlorn_

[England sees Prussia pointing at it and saying, "That's Englands boy!"]

_Just keep your eyes_

_Upon the Skies_

_Every night_

_A star is right in sight_

_A star is burning bright_

_A star is born_

_A star is born_

The End


End file.
